●● Swimming couple Eamon Sullivan and Stephanie Rice split to "concentrate on swimming": swimming is not that hard ●● ●● Survey reveals that viewing topless photos of Veronicas singer Jess Origliasso does not make their music any better ●● ●● Mike Myers' "The Love Guru" caused hole in Qantas flight, mechanics reveal ●● ●● Sonny Bill Williams does something: it is important ●● ●● Rafael Nadal threatens to take #1 spot from Roger Federer as universe implodes ●● ●● Even Shannon Noll thought that Shannon Noll being featured on This is Your Life was insulting ●● ●● "Anonymous" member kills self after receiving a one star rating on Youtube ●● ●● Man decapitated on Winnipeg Bus: didn't get ahead of that situation ●● ●● Terror Alert: Green Mana ●● ●● Bush launches new attack against contraception after witnessing the miracle of life in trailer parks across the nation ●● ●● Toyota making "Segway" clone "Winglet", were obviously asleep during the year 2001 ●● ●● Paris Hilton displeased with McCain campaign insult: can't believe she was paired up with "that whore Britney" ●● ●● If malt liquor didn't cost thripence in 1930, then I guess I just look plain silly, don't I ●●

National


White people in crisis mode as Starbucks shrinks

White people in crisis mode as Starbucks shrinks

Starbucks closures lead to mass panic amongst white society.

Outgoing Munro angry with Williams, happy with Darfur

Outgoing Munro angry with Williams, happy with Darfur

Nine stalwart Mike Munro thinks Darfur’s just peachy.

ABC reporter voted

ABC reporter voted “worst human alive” by rival broadcasters

Andrew Lloyd voted worst human alive by journalistic peers.

Jesus Christ retroactively fined $5,500 under annoyance laws

Jesus Christ retroactively fined $5,500 under annoyance laws

Humanity’s saviour fined $5,500 for spreading unwelcome ideas.