Idiots Anonymous

22 years is a long time in show business: even longer when your medium of choice is the news. Dry, boring news. For Channel 9 stalwart Mike Munro, 22 years is long enough. After playing a pivotal role in the successes of such shows as 60 Minutes, A Current Affair, and more recently This is Your Life and Sydney’s nightly news broadcast, Mr. Munro has decided to hang up his coat jacket and nestle into early retirement.

Despite the accolades that Mr. Munro is set to receive upon his departure, and the healthy relationship he shares with his network and his fellow reporters, he is none too impressed with his network’s handling of the Sonny Bill Williams situation, wherein sports reporter and part-time dramatist Danny Weidler turned the defection of a rugby league footballer to France into an advertisement for Anthony Mundine’s boxing match with Japan’s Crazy Kim.

A journalist, apparently.

“Terrible. Just terrible. It’s the single most deplorable act of ‘journalism’ I’ve ever seen. He should turn in his resignation immediately.” said Mr. Munro.

In light of the Sonny Bill Williams story, Mr. Munro would have good reason to be resentful on all fronts. However, when asked of his station’s handling of the conflicts in Darfur, wherein an estimated 400,000 deaths have occurred, with millions more displaced, raped or severely wounded, Mr. Munro was glowing with praise.

“I may be mad about Sonny Bill, but we handled Darfur perfectly.

“By not covering it at all, I think we gave it the respect it deserves. I think the word I’m looking for here is ‘aplomb’. We handled it with aplomb. I personally think we’re in line for a Wakely, but I don’t like to get too cocky about those things. I mean, sure, we gave it a token mention just before the cute animal story, but most people are fanging for the weather by that point, so it’s no big deal.”

In response to Mr. Munro’s criticism, Danny Weidler was recalcitrant, but was also in full support of the Darfur coverage.

“Look, I’d rather not comment about the Sonny Bill situation because frankly, it’s just too sensitive a case to be discussing it so casually. But just on Darfur — I think that really proves that we here at Nine are on the ball.

“In fact, I think all the major networks really pulled through. We all gave it top-notch treatment with off-hand mentions here and there, and the occasional frowny face. I think Mark Ferguson even gave a witty comment while feigning concern, which once again proves that Nine’s ’still the one’. But seriously, don’t ask about Sonny Bill. I’m getting a little testy just thinking about it.”

Mr. Munro will be leaving the network at the end of October, shortly after conducting a five minute interview with a black person about the crisis in the Congo. It is expected to be an award-winning swan song.