●● Swimming couple Eamon Sullivan and Stephanie Rice split to "concentrate on swimming": swimming is not that hard ●● ●● Survey reveals that viewing topless photos of Veronicas singer Jess Origliasso does not make their music any better ●● ●● Mike Myers' "The Love Guru" caused hole in Qantas flight, mechanics reveal ●● ●● Sonny Bill Williams does something: it is important ●● ●● Rafael Nadal threatens to take #1 spot from Roger Federer as universe implodes ●● ●● Even Shannon Noll thought that Shannon Noll being featured on This is Your Life was insulting ●● ●● "Anonymous" member kills self after receiving a one star rating on Youtube ●● ●● Man decapitated on Winnipeg Bus: didn't get ahead of that situation ●● ●● Terror Alert: Green Mana ●● ●● Bush launches new attack against contraception after witnessing the miracle of life in trailer parks across the nation ●● ●● Toyota making "Segway" clone "Winglet", were obviously asleep during the year 2001 ●● ●● Paris Hilton displeased with McCain campaign insult: can't believe she was paired up with "that whore Britney" ●● ●● If malt liquor didn't cost thripence in 1930, then I guess I just look plain silly, don't I ●●

White people in crisis mode as Starbucks shrinks

The Australian Government has declared a state of emergency, as the closure of 61 Starbucks outlets has sent white people across... 

White people in crisis mode as Starbucks shrinks

Tourists flock to whites-only time warp saloon

Tim Leonard, propreitor of the Old Bar Cellars near Taree, has found a novel new way to attract customers to his liquor store: by... 

Tourists flock to whites-only time warp saloon

Beijing green-lights sport of suppression for Games

In a shock move by the Beijing Olympic Committee, China has green-lighted the inclusion of a brand new Olympic sport just a week... 

Beijing green-lights sport of suppression for Games

Outgoing Munro angry with Williams, happy with Darfur

22 years is a long time in show business: even longer when your medium of choice is the news. Dry, boring news. For Channel... 

Outgoing Munro angry with Williams, happy with Darfur

Obama “too skinny to be President”, say fatties

United States presidential candidate Barack Obama has come under fire in recent times for espousing what has been referred... 

Obama
White people in crisis mode as Starbucks shrinks

White people in crisis mode as Starbucks shrinks

Starbucks closures lead to mass panic amongst white society.

Outgoing Munro angry with Williams, happy with Darfur

Outgoing Munro angry with Williams, happy with Darfur

Nine stalwart Mike Munro thinks Darfur’s just peachy.

Obama

Obama “too skinny to be President”, say fatties

Obama’s lack of lack of fitness an obstacle in US Presidential race.

Winehouse's desire for crack baby just a misunderstanding

Winehouse’s desire for crack baby just a misunderstanding

Winehouse and Fielder-Civil to breed under pretense of getting wasted.

Big Brother viewers released into the wild after 8 years of isolation

Big Brother viewers released into the wild after 8 years of isolation

Authorities warn of possible attacks from distressed BB fans.

Coalition threatens to dob as heavyweights quit

Coalition threatens to dob as heavyweights quit

Alexander Downer and Mark Vaile accuse Labor government of being “poopy” — fallout ensues.

Overcompensating douche airs concerns over emissions trading

Overcompensating douche airs concerns over emissions trading

New environmental policies are harming our most vulnerable citizens.

Tourists flock to whites-only time warp saloon

Tourists flock to whites-only time warp saloon

Racism a novel new idea in a north coast liquor store.

FNT: Magic Salad Plate gives even the most horrid men hope

FNT: Magic Salad Plate gives even the most horrid men hope

Four’N Twenty’s New Magic Salad Plate: Dignity, + P/H.

Beijing green-lights sport of suppression for Games

Beijing green-lights sport of suppression for Games

This excerpt has been seized by Chinese authorities.

Gasnier prepares for rugby

Gasnier prepares for rugby “challenge” by being rich, lonely

Mark Gasnier walks out on Dragons to pursue career in walking and clapping.

Parents' angry appeal to Wii-Fit: our son's not fat

Parents’ angry appeal to Wii-Fit: our son’s not fat

Parents of corpulent child accuse a videogame of discriminating against the portly. Irony: delicious.

Weekly Wrap: AFL Peace Team

Weekly Wrap: AFL Peace Team

If you’re surprised by this, then I guess I’m doing my job.

Weekly Wrap: Fallout 3

Weekly Wrap: Fallout 3

This article is rated M15+. It may contain forward thinking.

Weekly Wrap: AFL Peace Team

You may be shocked to learn that I am sometimes capable of optimism. Considering I’ve been little more than a snide, self-satisfied wank for since time immemorial (as far as you’re probably concerned) I guess that is a little surprising, but believe me, it’s nowhere near as far fetched as you think. It’s just rare that in a world dominated by tragedy and drama that you come across something positive that isn’t a token cute animal story. So hey, why waste the opportunity?

In case you’re unaware, Israel and Palestine are in a bit of a bitchfight, wherein catty blondes are actually armed militant forces, the mutual boyfriend is the Gaza Strip, among so many other territories, the inclusive happy slaps are live ammunition, and my metaphor is wearing thin. My point is that it’s a war-torn region, and it’s been that way for longer than I can remember.

It’s justifiable, then, to suggest that one side genuinely hates the other, and vice versa. Which is what makes this story so amazing.

Still better than the Melbourne Demons, somehow.

The Peres Centre for Peace, founded by current Israeli president Shimon Peres, aims to bridge that gap, and start to mend the bridges burned by so many years of warfare. It’s a noble cause, which really doesn’t get much press around these parts. The only news that ever comes through about that entire region comes in the form of a disconnected death statistic which is as approximate as it is insulting. I guess the nature of this beast makes it reportable, though. Hence why I found out about it.

The Australian Football League has sponsored an “AFL Peace Team”, comprised of both young Palestinians and Israelis, to compete in the International Cup later this month. The cynic in me brushes this off as a token attempt to weasel in on a good cause, but for the sake of optimism let’s look past that for a moment.

These are guys who, in any other circumstance, would probably be trading bullets. But to hear them speak so glowingly of their team-mates and of the overall experience was an incredible thing to witness. Not because I thought it was impossible, but because it seemed so implausible given the obvious barrier of prejudice and hatred that must have come along for the ride like carry-on luggage.

Sure, they’re probably rubbish at AFL, which, by the way, would give us something in common. But who cares? It’s not about how good they are, but rather about the fact that these people can enjoy, even if only briefly, a moment of true peace. For us it’s cheesy sentiment to be shown in news bulletins: for them it’s the opportunity of a lifetime, and I think it would be cheap of me to play it down.

Ultimately I think it proves that deep down, we’re all very decent, reasonable people. The wants and needs of an evil, misdirected few have us fighting wars we never chose to wage, and the price is paid not in dollars and cents, but innocent lives. Strip away the bullshit and you’re left with people who have the capacity to be good friends — best friends.

To say that our culture wars divide us beyond any hope of unity is an illusion, and it’s something that I think we all need to wake up to. Some people just need to swallow their egos and kick a footy around.